One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT?!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads
to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She
responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went
shopping at a big department store. I walked around with her
while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy
them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes,
so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings. She was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when
she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was so excited.
Smiling with anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear,
let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped,
"WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"